“Dodge Charger – A Man’s Last Stand? Funny commercial, but couldn’t we go for a Lamborghini?”

Little did we know that this commercial was actually stirring up a massive battle-of-the-sexes.

If you haven’t yet seen the ad, it features a series of close-ups of guys articulating all the things they’ll do for their women – “I will get up and walk the dog at 6:30 am,” “I’ll carry your lip balm,” “I’ll watch your vampire TV shows with you,” etc. until we arrive at the kicker – “And because I do this, I drive the car I want to drive.” And we see the guy revving up the Charger and zooming down the road. Check it out here.

Well. This stirred up an instant response from the woman’s point-of-view. In one response ad that went viral on YouTube, a series of women in close-ups rattle off what they’ll do for their men – “I will ignore your smelly loser friend who’s crashing on our couch,” “I will put my career on hold to raise your children,” “I will see ‘Paul Blart, Mall Cop’ twice.”

Ouch. We still haven’t seen “Paul Blart, Mall Cop,” once!

Anyway, you can check out that spot here.

To be honest, we thought the initial Dodge commercial was funny, mostly because it finally recognized that vampires are getting way too much airtime these days. Paul Blart, for all his apparent faults, doesn’t bite mall patrons on the neck as far as we know….
More seriously, women and men are very different people most of the time, who are often after very different things. That’s why we’ve tried to create at our Kennedy’s Barber Club locations a man-friendly sanctuary, in the spirit of the hair salons that are more female-friendly.

It doesn’t mean either men or women are superior – it just means we should deal with our differences. And it doesn’t mean we should carry our partner’s lip balm as a part of a master plan to get the car we want to have. We should do that to be nice.

Perhaps the real problem with the initial Dodge commercial is the fact that the voiceover was done by Michael C. Hall, everyone’s favorite serial killer on the Showtime series, “Dexter.” I think if we put it to a vote to all the guys out there, someone best known as a clever murderer would not be our first pick as a representative.
Maybe Kevin James, instead. He’s a nice, friendly guy…

Feel free to continue the Dodge debate at any of our at Kennedy’s All-American Barber Club™ franchise locations. In the meantime, we’re going to go tell our smelly loser friend crashing on the couch to at least take a shower. We’re sorry, but we really can’t do much about the “loser” part…

So, on February 19th, when a barbershop shattered a world record in Dublin, Ireland, we, of course, were privy to the exciting news. And, as our name is Kennedy’s – a proper Irish name – we felt, in some small part, related to the event. Okay, a very small part, since none of us actually is named “Kennedy.”

Nonetheless, our excitement was also tempered by a wee bit of horror.

You see, the record that was broken in at The Style Club on South William Street was that of shaving the most heads in an hour. To be more precise, 60 heads were shaved in under 60 minutes.

We strongly believe that shaving should not be a speed sport. It’s true that it sometimes comes out that way when we’ve hit the snooze button on the alarm too many times in the morning, and we suddenly find ourselves swiping frenetically at our face with our 6-bladed razor, hoping we don’t take off part of an ear in our desperate effort to get to work on time…but that’s inadvertent speed-shaving. In that Dublin barbershop, it was a planned event.

We shouldn’t carp too much. After all, it was a benefit for the Irish Cancer Society and no heads were actually injured in the chop-shop frenzy. But a barber coming at us with a razor with the intent to cut off as much as possible in as short a time as possible…well, feels like a Sweeney Todd moment to us.

No, we’d much prefer, on this side of the Atlantic, to have the Kennedy’s Barber Club go for the slowest shaving record. Especially with our Signature straight razor shave. Imagine, being able to sit back, feel the warm shaving cream on our face and have it slooooowly scraped off by the straight razor while it creates the smoothest face we’ve felt in weeks…

Oh, sorry. We blanked out there. We think we just got a quick glimpse of the afterlife…there was a blinding white light…coming from a barber pole…?

Anyway, a tip of the Kennedy’s hat to master barber John Galway and the 60 brave souls who risked life, limb and head to make a difference to a great charity. We’re inviting all of you to visit your nearby Kennedy’s All-American Barber Club™ to help us break the kind of record we think should be challenged – the world’s longest nap.

Queen Latifah singing “America the Beautiful.” I thought we were beyond the concept of royalty in this country.

Idea for a sequel to the 70’s classic, “Black Sunday” – the Goodyear, MetLife and Direct TV blimps all crash into each other.

Peyton Manning still sounds to us like the name of a car dealership.

Saints – sentimental favorites. They need a little more than sentiment after the first quarter.

A Simpsons commercial – without a Homer “Doh!”???

Bud Light commercial: a house made out of beer cans. Don’t drink and build. Oh, and get a designated drywaller.

“Super Vision” on instant slo-mo replays. If it’s really Super Vision, shouldn’t we be able to see the players’ underwear?

We’re noticing a lot of sub-par haircuts in the stands. People really need to get to a Kennedy’s All-American Barber Club ASAP.

Phil Simms has “Phil-osophy.” He’s right on the bookshelves between Descartes and Vince Lombardi.

Jay Leno helping David Letterman advertise his show? Does this mean Peyton will start passing directly to the Saints?

Another Bud Light commercial: the “Lost” cast prefers some brewskis to actually getting off the island. They have a point. The show might make more sense if you’re drunk.

Dodge Charger – A Man’s Last Stand? Funny commercial, but couldn’t we go for a Lamborghini?

Okay, the Will. i. am remix of The Who’s “My Generation” and accompanying visuals are awesome.

The Saints stop the Colts and get another field goal before the half. Sentiment is getting more powerful.

“The Who” halftime show. Okay, the boys are old, but they still rock.

Oh, the Colts scored. Hey, wait. This is actually a good game.

The Saints score. They get the 2 point conversion on a challenge. This is a REALLY good game.

Re the earlier comment about Peyton passing directly to the Saints. Oops. It just happened. 31-17 with 3 minutes left.

Two minute warning. If only we had one of those in real life…

The Saints win!

Congrats to a team that deserved it and a city that definitely needed the lift. We’d like to cordially extend a free Kennedy’s haircut and straight razor shave offer to all the members of the New Orleans Saints – you guys can find the nearest Kennedy’s location near you at http://www.KennedysBarberClub.com.

Oh, and Jay and Dave? You guys are welcome too, as long as Conan can come along.

But then we realized that we only told you what to do and left out what not to do. And a manly makeover can be pretty scary – if certain rules are not followed. So before you embark on your New Look for a New Decade, here are three makeover no-no’s to keep in mind.

1. Makeup is for women. Period. It is not 1982. You are not Billie Joe from Green Day or Adam Lambert. So leave the mascara, the eyeliner and the glitter in your wife’s (or girlfriend’s, or sister’s) drawer where it belongs.

2. Respect the hair you have on your head. Why? Because it looks like you. Different hair = a different guy. We’re not saying cutting it, shaping it and even shaving it all off is a no-no. But changing its color or (horror of horrors) curling it is. Ever seen a guy sitting under a hair dryer with his head covered with pieces of foil or little pink rollers? We rest our case.

3. Dress your age. That tight t-shirt with the hip slogan and men’s capris may look ever so slammin’ on the 16-year-old kid in the photo (although, in our humble opinion, no one really looks good in men’s capris). But you’re 40, and you’re the guy who has to wear it in public. So think before you buy.

Let’s face it – trying a new look can be a risky proposition. At least when it comes to your hair, you can count on Kennedy’s All-American Barber Club®. We’ll give you “The Best Haircut and Straight Razor Shave You’ve Ever Had or It’s Free”™, and a style that will get you noticed…in a good way.

So look for the nearest Kennedy’s location near you – and find out about our awesome franchise opportunities – at http://www.kennedysbarberclub.com. We promise, we don’t even own any hair dryers.

All of us at Kennedy’s All-American Barber Club® want whoever’s “taking the plunge” (isn’t there something vaguely threatening about that phrase?) to look like a million bucks on their wedding day. Of course, you’d prefer to just have that million bucks – that would make for quite the honeymoon – but we all do what we can.

And what Kennedy’s can do for you is offer you “The Ultimate Groom’s Experience,” our new special package for grooms, and, more importantly, their groomsmen.
It’s a delicate subject – what the men who will be standing up with you look like. After all, they’re your buds. Your pals. If you were in Australia, they’d be your mates. You can’t insult them.

But at the same time, you don’t want to have a bunch of guys that look too unruly for ZZ Top standing next to you as your beautiful bride approaches. You could end up guilty of being Unkempt by Association.

The answer? Drag them into the barbershop with you. Because “The Ultimate Groom’s Experience” includes a relaxing haircut, straight-razor shave, nose/ear and back waxing where available, complimentary beverages and, best of all, customized Kennedy’s cigars for all the groomsmen. Imagine all of you, puffing away on our luxury stogies, as the ceremony commences.

Also imagine all of you getting slapped in one single round like the Three Stooges. You don’t smoke cigars while you’re getting married! That went out in the 1930’s!
The “Experience” package is available to all grooms with a minimum of three groomsmen. Kennedy’s is also offering the groom three free months of membership, if one of his groomsmen becomes a new Kennedy’s member.

What better place for male bonding pre-wedding than a Kennedy’s All-American Barber Club® location? If you said, “Well, there are bars,” we would have to reply, “Yes, and wasted grooms are so appreciated at weddings.” Plus, they’re usually the ones smoking cigars when they’re trying to repeat their vows.

Find out more about this special offer at http://www.kennedysbarberclub.com/news/barbershop-franchise-kennedys-all-american-barber-club-now-offering-the-ultimate-grooms-experience.php . Because, gentlemen, and please don’t repeat this to any women, but you and your buds’ time at Kennedy’s just might be the best part of your wedding day!

Then came the unisex chop shops with their weird yellow-green-pink color schemes and the next thing we knew, old Joe the Barber was selling out his business to make room for another pilates studio.

Today, men are under attack from all sides – they’ve lost jobs at a faster rate than women, they’re portrayed as moronic husbands on TV sitcoms, and Clint Eastwood is officially too old to ever play Dirty Harry again. No wonder testosterone levels have dropped about 20% in the past 20 years – soon, we’ll all be watching “Project Runway” and sipping Cosmopolitans.

That’s why all of us at Kennedy’s are excited at the new ad campaign for Dockers, just starting to roll out now. The “Wear the Pants™” ads are designed to sell manliness – and not a retro brand of masculinity where you have to go drink deer blood in the woods (sorry, all you “Red Dawn” fans), but one that fits modern life today.

The Dockers Revolution will be televised.

“The intent of the campaign is to put forth a new definition of masculinity, one that embraces strength and sensitivity and appeals to men who can change a tire AND a diaper,” says Jennifer Sey, Global VP of Marketing for Dockers. “We’re not trying to shame men. We want to make them laugh at themselves and at the state of manhood. And, at the same time, encourage them to dress up, man-up and embody today’s new definition of masculinity.”

Since Dockers is introducing their new manly campaign, we’re also going to introduce our new one – “Kennedy’s. Look like a gentleman. Feel like a man.” Meaning, we can make you can look your best, but, thanks to Kennedy’s classic barbershop ambiance, you’ll still get the most out of your guy-ness.

So man up yourself and head over to the nearest Kennedy’s All-American Barber Club® franchise location for one of our signature straight razor shaves. Let’s all start increasing our testosterone, instead of watching it slowly seep away.

Start by switching from “Project Runway” to “American Gladiator.”

Find out more about us, our franchise locations and our franchise business opportunities at http://www.kennedysbarberclub.com.

But while that particular problem has gotten all the media attention, another safety issue has gone completely ignored – that of using cell phones in a barbershop. Well, in little old New Zealand (which is not a part of Australia, by the way), one barber has taken a stand. Peter Bradley, co-owner of “The Stylish Man,” a barber franchise in the city of Auckland, has banned his patrons from using cell phones during haircuts.

“When people are running around trying to answer their phones it could be quite easy for them to get their ears cut,” Bradley told “The New Zealand Herald.” “It’s never happened but we’ve had a couple of close calls.”

While we can’t say any of our Kennedy’s All-American Barber Club® customers has ever had a painful conclusion to one of their cell phone calls during a haircut, we understand Mr. Bradley’s point.

And we would also have to say that having a cell phone to your ear could also be dangerous on aesthetic grounds – the barber might be forced to trim around the phone, leaving the visible outline of an iPhone in the hair on the side of your head.

Nevertheless, we aren’t going to launch an official ban on cell phones at any of our Kennedy’s All-American Barber Club® franchise locations. Frankly, most of the men who come into a barbershop are looking for a place where they won’t be told what to do.

However, there are a few additional activities, besides answering one’s cell phone, that our customers shouldn’t attempt in the barber chair, especially when receiving one of our sublime Straight Razor Shaves. They include:

• Flossing
• Forehead exercises
• Playing the harmonica

The management thanks you in advance for your cooperation.

Find out more about Kennedy’s All-American Barber Club® , our franchise locations and our franchise business opportunities at http://www.kennedysbarberclub.com.

The man in question is the Sultan of Brunei, Hassanal Bolkiah Mu’izzaddin Waddaula. Lucky for us, we only have to type it, not pronounce it.

We appreciate the Sultan, because he’s a man of loyalty. When he couldn’t make it to London to get his hair cut by the barber who had been attending to him for 16 years, he brought the barber – Ken Modestou – to him (speaking of loyalty, we’re hoping Ken was able to reschedule all his other customers’ appointments for that week).

But enough about Ken. Let’s find out a little bit more about Mr. $23,000 Haircut – the Sultan himself.

A few fun facts:

• He’s worth over 20 billion dollars
• He owns over 100 Rolls Royces
• He also owns 232 Mercedes-Benzes, 224 Ferraris, 245 Bentleys, 150 BMWs, 165 Jaguars, 125 Porsches, and 20 Lamborghinis.
• He’s married to a woman 33 years younger than him. Oh, and another woman too.
• He owns a Boeing 747-400 furnished with gold plated furniture.
• He operates a $3 billion theme park (no word on whether the Tilt-A-Whirl is gold-plated, but thanks for asking).
• His home has 1788 bedrooms, 257 bathrooms, and a floor area of 2,152,782 square feet. Sad to say, it’s only the second largest palace in the world, after the Beijing Imperial Palace.

What the Sultan is probably most famous for – or infamous, to be more accurate – is paying a truckload of money to have seven beauty queens – including two Miss USAs, one Miss Teen USA and the runner-up for Miss United Kingdom – shipped over to Brunei for a “modeling job.” This did not go well, and one of the Miss USA’s, after being held captive there for over a month, smuggled a note to the U.S. Embassy, which basically read, “GET ME OUT OF HERE.”

So, Ken the barber, consider yourself lucky that you got your 23 grand and a plane ticket back to London. And we’ll certainly think twice before we accept one of the Sultan’s very, very over-generous offers to visit.

If you can’t afford to spend $23,000 on a haircut, well, guess what? You can get “The Best Haircut and Straight-Razor Shave You’ve Ever Had, or it’s Free™!” at any Kennedy’s All-American Barber Club® location for a lot less. And we mean, a LOT less.

Find out more about us and our franchise business opportunities at http://www.kennedysbarberclub.com.

The traditional barbershop quartet songs are fairly well known – “By the Light of the Silvery Moon,” “For Me and My Gal,” and “Sweet Adeline.” But we became intrigued by the Barbershop Harmony Society’s giant online index of sheet music – what other buried treasures lurked there, just waiting to be brought to life in four-part man harmony?

The answer was quite illuminating. For instance, TV fans can enjoy arrangements of “The Ballad of Gilligan’s Island,” “The Jeopardy Theme,” “The Happy Days Theme” and “The Muppet Show Theme, ” while 60’s and 70’s music aficionados can hum along with “Bridge Over Troubled Water,” a “Carpenters Medley,” “Build Me Up Buttercup,” “Candy Man,” and “Goodbye, Yellow Brick Road.” We were sad to note the absences of “Ruby, Don’t Take Your Love to Town” and “Billy, Don’t Be a Hero.”

What was even more interesting than the songs we knew was the songs we had no idea ever existed – vintage (read: not only before we were born, but possibly before our grandparents were born as well) tunes with intriguing titles that made us want to order the entire lyric sheet for a full-blown psychological inquiry.

Here are a few that stood out for us – and please remember, all these are real songs:

“I’ve Got a Lovely Bunch of Hot Dogs” – Yes? And what do you intend to do with them?

“The Spaniard That Blighted My Life” – Another argument against illegal immigration.

“Poisoning Pigeons in the Park” – Don’t tell PETA.

“Your Bulldog Drinks Champagne” – Yes, and my hamster eats caviar, what of it?

“If I Knock the ‘L’ Out of Kelly” – He’ll probably beat the ‘S’ out of you

“If He Can Fight Like He Can Love, Goodnight, Germany” – And he’s worse than Hitler

“Never Throw a Lighted Lamp at Mother” – What, an unlit one is fine?

“Never Hit Your Grandma With a Shovel” – Seriously – were these common problems?

“Where did Robinson Crusoe go with Friday on Saturday Night?” – I give up. To hit Grandma with a shovel?

So, when you hear the next terrible Britney Spears song, remember – it could be worse. She could record “I Like to Go Swimmin’ With Wimmin’.” Actually, now that she’s been alerted to the existence of it – she just might. Sigh.

We can’t promise barbershop quartets at our Kennedy’s All-American Barber Club® – but we can promise upscale surroundings, all the modern amenities including a complimentary beverage, as well as our outstanding Signature Straight Razor Shaves and Haircuts. Watch for more Kennedy’s locations opening soon – and find out how to invest in an outstanding franchise business opportunity of your own at http://www.kennedysbarberclub.com.

In the meantime, please remember to remove all shovels and lighted lamps from your home. No sense inviting temptation.

But The Intel Corporation seems determined to improve an already-awesome thing. If you’ve seen one of their latest commercials from their “Sponsors of Tomorrow” campaign, you’ll know that their vision for the future of the barbershop business somewhat surprisingly doesn’t include the barber. You can view the spot online at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6nOlgNJfHo.

How do you like the Knicks this year?

In the commercial, you see lasers scan a very wary man’s face (an actor portraying robotics engineer Louis LeGrand) – and then a robotic arm wielding a formidable-looking straight razor execute a perfect shave of the one side of his face. The faux Louis breathes a sigh of relief – until he learns they’re about to do it all over again

There are several problems we have with this Future Shave scenario. First of all, since our electronic nose hair clippers rarely function correctly, are we really supposed to trust a mechanical arm to not remove an ear or two along with our whiskers? Second of all, who is actually named Louis LeGrand? Surely, he must be a distant cousin to Pepe Le Pew.

Finally, what is a barbershop without the barber? Yes, there are certainly many opportunities to boost the profit margins at our barbershop franchises by simply following in the footsteps of most American corporations and not actually employing people. And yes, the barbershop of 2020 could resemble a coin-operated car wash, where you sit in the middle of a cubicle and whirring mechanical shears and blades come at you from all sides (tourniquets provided on the house, of course).

But frankly, you can’t shoot the breeze with a robotic arm. You can’t talk sports, politics, movies or TV with a piece of metal, no matter how hi-tech it is. We’ve actually experimented by attempting to talk to a variety of household appliances, and only the vacuum cleaner seemed in the least responsive (we swear the power light blinked twice for “yes” and once for “no” – but we could just have had too much coffee that morning).

The final blow to the whole Robo-Barber scenario came when we discovered the Ultimate Truth about the Intel commercial – that the robotic arm was, in fact, NOT a robotic arm, it was a glorified puppet. And if there’s one thing worse than being shaved by robots, it would have to be by puppets. Imagine having a relaxing straight razor shave and turning around to see Fozzie Bear hacking away at your face. The indignity. The indignity.

So please allow our highly-skilled, licensed, flesh-and-blood barbers to handle all your tonsorial needs at a Kennedy’s All-American Barber Club® location near you (you can find the nearest one at our website at http://www.kennedysbarberclub.com). We guarantee no robotic arms and no puppets. Marionettes, however, are under consideration.